Working that 3 beer buzz but threw some
delicious bacon & potatoes on it so that should dull the glow.
Keep your head on the floor on your feet of the ground as the next
nomination for best picture for the week of C is serves up.
From 1981 Ivan Passer's Cutter's Way
Richard Bone's car is a piece of shit &
as luck would have it he witnesses a dead body being dumped when it
breaks down. Instead of telling the police who he suspects his
handicapped friend, the victims sister & he decide to blackmail
the guilty party only to find out they are in for more then they
bargained for.
Time for the next award. The Good, the
Bad & the Ugly of the week. That moment that's was the most
awesome, so bad that it was wonderful or so fucking unbelievably ugly
that it stuck w/ me more then anything else – The Colt 45
The nominees are..
From Chain Gang Women – Ralph
Campbell Strangles Michael Stearns
Like last week's winner Blue Monkey
there is absolutely no truth in advertising in Chain Gang Women. You
would figure w/ this title it was a WIP flix but it isn't & boy
was I pissed. It should be nominated for this award based on that
alone but I won't do it twice when producers are blatantly being
deceptive to their viewer. Instead I'll have it hit this list for
Ralph Cambell who probably has 3 lines of dialogue in this including
none during a scene where his wife is forced to get drunk & raped
by Michael Stearns while he looks on tied to a chair. After he
escapes the old man creeps up to a window & strangles the shit
out of Michael Stearns..all the while not uttering a sound.
From Capricorn One – James Brolin
Maws a Snake
One the run from the conspirators
wanting murder him for his involvement w/ the faux Mars landing
Brolin hides out only to almost be killed w/ a snake. Fortuity he
kills the snake before it's able to kill him & hungry
mother-fuckers will do what they have to do to survive so he decides
to eat the snake..raw
From Conan the Barbarian – Arnold
Schwarzenegger Maws a Vulture
James Earl Jones decides to crucify
Schwarzenegger on the tree of woe. As he hangs out in the blazing
sun the vulture waiting for him to die to pick his carcass clean.
One decides he's going to get a jump on the game & have some
pecks on Arnie's pectorals. Not wanting to be the scavenger’s next
meal gnaws the mother-fucker in the neck killing it.
From Chopping Mall – Suzee Slater
Loses Her Head
Running for her life from a mall
Killbot Slater gets her cranium blown the fuck off w/ a laser in
glorious fashion.
From C.H.O.M.P.S. - CHOMPS Takes One
For The Team
After grabbing an explosive device off
of a safe & jumping out the window CHOMPS is blown the fuck up.
I know that he's a mechanical dogs but there is something a little
unnerving seeing a smoking dog w/ his innards hanging out. I bet it
will scar your children but not as much as having them sit through
C.H.O.M.P.S in it's entirety.
From The Cheerleaders – Stephanie
Fondue Gives A Toe Job
Stephanie Fondue might be a novice
sexual pixie who still has yet to lose her cherry but she gives some
wicked toe.
..& the winner is
From Chopping Mall – Suzee Slater
Loses Her Head
This one small fleeting moments makes
up for almost the entirety of having to eat the cheese that is
Chopping Mall. It may be one of cinema's greatest displays of this
nature only seconded by Scanners.
So fucking awesome they ran it again
during the closing credit. Suzee Slater you are immortalized in my
eyes.
Getting parched in this afternoon heat.
Another trip to the fridge.
..Be back after this
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